The Truth About Alimony — “Split Happens” Podcast, Ep3, with Jay Henderlite

In episode 3 of “Split Happens”, Katie Garner sits down with Jay Henderlite, a board-certified marital and family law attorney with Sasso Guerrero & Henderlite, to explain alimony: what it is, why people fear it, how it intersects with child support, and how to approach it practically and emotionally.

If you or someone you love is facing separation or divorce, understanding alimony can calm fears and reveal opportunities. This interview captures the legal realities, the human side, and concrete next steps.

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What is alimony and where did it come from?

Katie: Jay, before we dig into the emotions and numbers, let’s start with the basics. What exactly is alimony, and why does it exist?

Jay: Alimony, at its simplest, is a court-ordered or negotiated payment from one former spouse to another after separation or divorce. Historically, it grew out of a time when one spouse—typically the man—was the only one legally allowed to own property or earn a living. Alimony’s original purpose was to ensure the dependent spouse could maintain some economic support after the marriage ended.

Today, the idea is different: alimony is meant to provide a temporary cash infusion or bridge to allow a lower-earning spouse to become self-supporting or to maintain a reasonable standard of living for a limited time.

Who can pay or receive alimony today?

Katie: People still assume alimony is always a man’s burden to pay—how accurate is that?

Jay: That’s a common misconception. Modern family dynamics are fluid: women are increasingly the primary earners in households, and either spouse may pay alimony depending on the finances. Alimony doesn’t care about gender; it cares about need and ability to pay. If one partner has been out of the workforce, stayed home to raise kids, or otherwise sacrificed career advancement, they may be entitled to alimony. Conversely, if the spouse who traditionally would have received alimony earns more, they could end up paying it. The law has evolved to reflect that reality.

How does alimony work in Florida—duration and limits?

Katie: You and I are based in Florida, so listeners want to know: how long does alimony last here?

Jay: Florida’s rules make alimony generally durational. In other words, payments are meant to last for a defined period rather than indefinitely. Recent changes cap the duration in many cases based on the length of the marriage, except in certain unique situations. The idea is to provide “seed money”—a window of time for the receiving spouse to re-enter the workforce, go back to school, retrain, or otherwise become self-supporting.

The court looks at many factors, however, so there are exceptions. That’s why it’s crucial to get legal advice tailored to your case.

How is the amount of alimony determined?

Katie: Can a judge just plug in numbers, or is there a method to how much someone might pay in alimony?

Jay: Unlike child support, which in Florida is calculated by a statutory formula, alimony is not a plug-and-play number. Judges and attorneys consider many factors: the length of the marriage, the earning capacities of both spouses, the lifestyle established during marriage, each party’s contributions—both financial and non-financial—to the household, custodial arrangements, and the standard of living during marriage. Because it’s discretionary, having a plan and a persuasive narrative is essential. You don’t want to show up in court without a credible plan for support or without a credible argument about why you need or don’t need payments.

If I pay alimony, will I end up worse off financially?

Katie: That fear is everywhere. People picture themselves paying forever and being left with nothing. How do we combat that fear realistically?

Jay: In Florida, the system generally prevents the payer from ending up with less net income than the recipient. In typical scenarios, the person paying alimony will still have more net income than the recipient, at least for the duration of payments. Also remember that alimony is often temporary and capped. While nobody likes writing checks to an ex, perspective helps: having resources and being able to invest in a transition—whether that means paying reasonable support for a time or using funds to restructure a household—is often preferable to the alternative. There are also ways to negotiate: sometimes paying slightly more in alimony can reduce child support obligations, or vice versa. Running scenarios with a lawyer and financial planner is valuable.

If I receive alimony, what should I do with that money?

Katie: For recipients who are used to being supported or who have been out of the workforce, that check can feel like lifeline or a trap. What’s your advice?

Jay: Treat alimony like seed money or a strategic investment in your next chapter. The goal should be to use the funds to build long-term stability—whether that’s paying for education or training, starting a business, securing housing, or getting credentials that increase earning capacity.

Don’t rely on it forever; most alimony ends. Build a plan for self-sufficiency so when payments stop, you’re not left scrambling. Think of it as a runway that gives you time to figure out what you want to do and how to support yourself going forward.

How does alimony interact with child support and child-related expenses?

Katie: A lot of families are confused about what’s alimony, what’s child support, and who pays for camps, school, or doctor copays. Break it down for us.

Jay: Child support and alimony are separate legal concepts. Child support in Florida is typically calculated based on a statutory formula taking into account both parents’ incomes (after accounting for alimony) and the parenting time arrangement. The court expects both parents to work to their capacity, barring disability or other valid reasons. Alimony is intended to assist the former spouse, not to substitute for child support. Child-related expenses like summer camp, extracurriculars, medical copays, field trips, and private school are usually addressed separately—often through an agreement to split unreimbursed expenses either evenly or proportionally to income. If you’re paying alimony, your net income is reduced for child support calculations, which can lower your child support obligation. In some cases, that tradeoff means paying more alimony results in less child support overall. This is why running multiple scenarios with an attorney and financial expert matters.

Will alimony end if the recipient remarries?

Katie: People often ask whether an ex remarrying kills their alimony obligation.

Jay: Historically, remarriage of the recipient often terminated alimony, but modern statutes and agreements vary. In many cases, remarriage does terminate alimony, but there’s nuance. Cohabitation—living with a new partner—can also trigger review or termination in some jurisdictions if it results in financial support to the recipient. Because laws differ and because people sometimes structure settlements to protect against remarriage through explicit clauses, it’s crucial to consult a lawyer. If you’re the recipient, don’t plan your financial future on unlimited alimony; if you’re the payer, understand the conditions that could end or modify payments.

Can you be forced to pay for things like private school, summer camp, or a car for the kids?

Katie: Those are common flashpoints in divorces—who pays for what?

Jay: The court won’t typically require a parent to buy a car for a child or pay for ultra-expensive private camps unless the family can reasonably afford it and it was part of the established lifestyle. Courts focus on reasonable expenses related to welfare: food, shelter, basic education needs, healthcare, and so on. Extra items like private school or certain camps are often negotiable. Many parents agree to split extracurricular and unreimbursed medical expenses proportionally to their incomes. If you’re negotiating, be realistic about what’s within the family budget. Your lifestyle may change, and that’s OK. You adapt and prioritize.

What emotional and practical advice do you have about alimony during divorce?

Katie: The fear around alimony can lead to anger, resentment, or even sabotaging negotiations. What’s the healthiest way to handle this?

Jay: First, don’t argue about money in front of your kids. That’s damaging and unnecessary.

Second, name the fear: financial insecurity, loss of identity, and uncertainty are real and valid. Once you identify them, you can start planning. For payees, view alimony as a bridge and a chance to be self-supporting. For payors, remind yourself that having resources is better than not, and that payments are rarely permanent. Model resilience for your children—show them how to face challenges and rebuild.

Finally, get help: talk to a lawyer, a financial advisor, and a therapist. Divorce is legal, financial, and emotional work; you need a team.

How should someone prepare their case or plan around alimony?

Katie: For listeners who are in the early stages, what concrete steps should they take?

Jay: Start with clarity. Know your income, your spouse’s income, and the assets and debts on both sides. Gather pay stubs, tax returns, bank statements, and documentation of lifestyle expenses. Think about what you want your life to look like after the divorce. Work on a plan: if you’re the recipient, identify skills or schooling you’ll need; if you’re the payer, map out a budget that accounts for alimony and child support. Run different scenarios—more alimony/less child support, less alimony/more child support—to see what makes sense financially and emotionally. Don’t go to court without a plan; judges are influenced by how parties present their cases. Finally, be open to creative solutions: lump-sum payments, rehabilitative alimony for training, or other structures might work better for your situation than straight monthly checks.

Final practical tips from Jay: how to approach this fairly and smartly

Jay: A few quick takeaways. One, alimony is not typically indefinite—treat it as a timed investment. Two, having money is better than not having it; if you can afford to help someone transition, do so strategically. Three, understand that child support and alimony interact—one affects the other. Four, don’t weaponize alimony; be pragmatic. Five, use the period after divorce to invest in your future. And finally, tolerate what you may not like. You don’t have to accept it or enjoy it, but tolerating the outcome and moving forward is how you win the longer game.

FAQ: Common questions about alimony

How long will I have to pay alimony?

Jay: It depends on the length of the marriage, the type of alimony awarded, and your jurisdiction. In Florida, many awards are durational and tied to the marriage length, but there are exceptions. Consult your attorney to see how the law applies to your facts.

Can alimony be modified later?

Jay: Many alimony awards can be modified if there’s a material change in circumstances, like job loss, disability, or a significant change in either party’s income. Some lump-sum or contractual arrangements are less modifiable. Your attorney will advise on the likely modifiability of the terms you’re considering.

Is alimony taxable?

Jay: Tax treatment of alimony changed in recent years (federal changes effective post-2018). For divorces finalized after certain tax law changes, alimony may not be deductible by the payor nor taxable to the recipient. Tax implications vary by timing and jurisdiction, so consult a tax professional as part of divorce planning.

What if my spouse hides assets?

Jay: Asset concealment is sadly common. Courts require financial disclosure; if you suspect hiding, an attorney can seek forensic accounting, subpoenas, or sanctions. Full transparency is essential for fair alimony and support determinations.

Can I negotiate alimony without going to court?

Jay: Absolutely. Many couples negotiate alimony as part of a settlement or mediation. This often leads to better outcomes because both parties can craft solutions that work for them. Just be sure your agreement is legally documented and reviewed by counsel.

What happens if I refuse to pay alimony ordered by a court?

Jay: Failure to pay can lead to enforcement actions, including wage garnishment, contempt proceedings, fines, or even jail in severe cases. Take court orders seriously, and if you can’t pay, promptly seek a modification through legal channels.

How can alimony affect my kids?

Jay: Alimony impacts family resources, but kids are affected most by conflict and instability. Don’t argue about money in front of your children. Use agreements to provide for basic needs, and model resilience. Children benefit more from stable, loving parenting than from maintaining every pre-divorce luxury.

Where can I get help with alimony planning?

Jay: Start with a qualified family law attorney in your state. Add a financial planner, tax advisor, and therapist to the team. For those in Florida, seek counsel familiar with state statutes; for others, find local experts who understand regional practice.

Conclusion

Alimony is one of the most emotionally charged topics in divorce, but it doesn’t have to be a terrifying one. Understanding the law—how alimony originated, how it functions today, how it interacts with child support, and how courts think—can reduce fear and open pathways to constructive planning. Whether you are a payor or a recipient, treat alimony as a tool: a temporary resource that can help you or your former spouse transition to a stable future. Be practical, get professional help, and protect your kids from the fallout of heated financial arguments. As Jay says, you don’t have to accept everything you dislike, but you do have to tolerate what the legal system provides—and then build the next chapter of your life.

This interview is adapted from the Split Happens podcast episode “Facing divorce stress? Episode 3 of Split Happens breaks down alimony” by News4JAX The Local Station. For the full episode and to submit questions, visit News4JAX.com or the News4JAX YouTube channel.