Do Moms Always Get Custody? The Truth About Child Custody – When Split Happens Episode 5

This post is part of a series summarizing each episode of When Split Happens, Sasso Guerrero & Henderlite’s podcast. Access all episode topics here.

In this episode of When Split Happens, attorney Jay Henderlite of Sasso Guerrero & Henderlite breaks down one of the biggest misconceptions in Florida family law — the belief that mothers automatically get custody. Jay explains how Florida’s custody laws are gender-neutral, how courts apply the “best interests of the child” standard, and why both parents start on equal footing.

Related: Announcing When Split Happens, New Family Law Podcast Hosted by Jay Henderlite

Why does the myth that mothers automatically get custody persist?

Jay Henderlite explains that the myth traces back to the now-abandoned tender years doctrine. For decades, courts favored the idea that very young children were best placed with their mothers. That legal residue hardened into a cultural assumption that mothers have a built-in advantage in every custody dispute.

Modern Florida law, however, is gender neutral. When families face divorce with kids, judges no longer begin with gender-based assumptions. Instead, the process starts from an even footing for both parents.

What the law actually says

Do mothers automatically get custody of their children in Florida?

Jay is clear: no. Florida statutes require that judges decide custody and time sharing based on the best interests of the child rather than parental gender. Parents do not begin the case with different legal statuses because of being a mother or a father. That neutrality reshapes how parents should prepare for matters arising from divorce with kids: by gathering evidence of parent-child relationships and demonstrating consistent caregiving rather than relying on assumptions about gender.

What does “best interests of the child” mean under Florida law?

Jay points to statute 61.13 as the roadmap. The law lists many factors a judge must weigh: each parent’s ability to provide a stable home, their moral fitness, physical and mental health, history with the child, the child’s school and community ties, and in some cases the expressed preference of the child if the child is mature enough. Notably, gender is not among the factors. When parents are navigating divorce with kids, understanding these specific markers helps them decide what evidence to collect and what behavior to model.

Presumptions and practical realities

Is there a legal presumption in favor of 50-50 custody in Florida?

In 2023 the law adopted a presumption that substantial, meaningful time with both parents benefits children. The starting point in many cases is a preference for equal time sharing. That presumption can be rebutted, though, when equal time would not serve the child’s best interests. Distance, work schedules, logistical impracticalities, or safety concerns can all justify a departure from equal time. For parents facing divorce with kids, the presumption is helpful but not absolute; evidence matters.

How should a parent prove they are involved and responsible?

Jay recommends documenting everyday involvement. Judges want to see more than verbal claims. They look for proof that a parent attends school events, knows teachers and doctors, participates in extracurriculars, and keeps routines consistent. Communication matters too. Courts favor parents who demonstrate effective, respectful communication with the other parent. When preparing for divorce with kids, a parent’s file should include calendars, emails or text exchanges about scheduling, receipts for medical visits, and photos or programs showing participation in the child’s life. Consistency and cooperation frequently carry more weight than income or eloquent testimony.

Common concerns answered

Can a father win primary custody in Florida?

Absolutely. Jay recounts cases in which fathers obtained majority time sharing because they provided the more stable and supportive environment. The outcomes he has seen reinforce the same point: what wins custody disputes is a demonstrated ability to care for the child’s needs and to foster stability, not gender. Mothers can likewise win primary custody when they present a stronger caregiving case. The lens is always the child’s best interest, which means a father’s chances are real when he frames his case around the child’s welfare.

Does earning more money influence custody decisions?

Income matters only insofar as it affects a parent’s ability to meet the child’s needs. A higher paycheck does not itself grant a custody advantage. Jay emphasizes that emotional availability, reliability, and the capacity to maintain a stable routine often matter more than salary. For parents in situations where one earns significantly more, the key is showing how both parents will handle housing, schooling, healthcare, and day-to-day caregiving during and after divorce with kids.

Practical steps for parents in Jacksonville and beyond

What immediate actions should a parent take to strengthen a parenting plan?

Jay’s recommendations are practical and measurable. First, keep a detailed record of participation in the child’s life: dates of school events, medical appointments, and extracurriculars. Second, maintain calm, constructive communication. Document attempts to coordinate schedules and resolve conflicts. Third, avoid abrupt changes that disrupt the child’s routine. Stability is persuasive; volatility is not.

Those preparing for divorce with kids should also build a clear parenting proposal that reflects the child’s daily needs and activities. Include transportation plans, holiday schedules, and contingency plans for illness or emergencies. Demonstrating forethought and a child-centered approach shows a court the parent is prioritizing the child over conflict.

What mistakes should parents avoid when custody is at stake?

Jay warns against letting anger guide decisions. Attempts to use the child as leverage, sudden relocations without notice, or withholding access are all counterproductive. Courts typically view such actions as harmful to the child’s emotional security and may adjust time sharing accordingly. Instead, parents should model cooperation, document responsibly, and seek professional support when needed.

How courts evaluate cooperation and stability

How heavily do courts weigh a parent’s willingness to cooperate?

Very heavily. Judges consistently note that children benefit from having parents who can coordinate and communicate. A parent who demonstrates an ability to work with the other side to solve practical problems signals that the child will experience fewer interruptions to their routine. When the subject is divorce with kids, cooperation is more than a nicety; it is a legal factor that affects outcomes.

When might equal time sharing be rebutted?

Equal time sharing may be rebutted if it would harm the child or be impractical. Examples include significant geographic distance between homes, conflicting work schedules that prevent meaningful parenting time, or concerns about safety and stability. In those situations, the court crafts a schedule tailored to the child’s needs rather than forcing strict parity. The court’s focus remains on long-term stability and the child’s emotional security during and after divorce with kids.

Closing guidance

Keep the child’s safety, emotional security, and long-term stability at the center of every choice. That orientation guides effective evidence gathering and behavior. Parents who prioritize the child over conflict, who maintain consistent routines, and who can show involvement in daily life markedly improve their chances of securing a time-sharing arrangement that serves the child’s best interests during divorce with kids.

FAQs

Do mothers automatically get custody in Florida?

No. Florida law is gender neutral and custody decisions are based on the best interests of the child rather than parental gender.

What factors does Florida consider when determining custody?

Florida statute 61.13 lists factors such as stability of the home, moral fitness, physical and mental health, the child’s school and community ties, and the child’s preference when they are mature enough to express one.

Is there a presumption of 50-50 custody in Florida?

There is a legal presumption favoring substantial, meaningful time with both parents, often starting from a 50-50 perspective, but it can be rebutted if equal time is not in the child’s best interest.

Can a father obtain primary custody?

Yes. A father can be awarded majority time sharing when he demonstrates a more stable, supportive environment and prioritizes the child’s needs.

Does higher income determine custody?

Higher income alone does not determine custody. Courts focus on each parent’s ability to meet the child’s needs, and emotional availability and reliability can outweigh income.

What should parents do right away to prepare for custody decisions?

Document involvement in the child’s life, keep calm communication with the other parent, maintain routines for the child’s stability, and assemble a clear parenting plan addressing day-to-day logistics.

Final thoughts

When the challenge is divorce with kids, the path to better outcomes is not persuasion by stereotype but preparation and proof. Demonstrate steady involvement, prioritize cooperation, and document the life you provide for your child. Those actions speak directly to the factors Florida courts use to decide time sharing and parental responsibility.